Start Jdating

Jdating

) I have learned that just because someone is on JDate does not mean they are going to share my values, especially as a Jewish feminist. Not to mention those whose sense of Jewishness comes nowhere near my own.

One of the biggest draws to dating Jewish (besides the pressure to make your parents happy) is that Jewish people are thought to have similar values, which is generally thought to mean that dating, marriage and child-rearing will be easier. A little-published aspect of the JDate situation is that JDate has the hardest time building up the critical mass to *work* in the very communities that seek it most-- places where it is hard to meet other Jews.

And while there is some truth to the idea that there are some commonly held Jewish values (Tikun Olam, education, etc), others are not always a given. As more and more of us are using dating websites, more and more of us are being honest about using dating websites, and that has led to some interesting conversation. In my part of the country, JDate has had the same seven men for the past five years. Which means the female JDaters in this city have all dated and given up on the same seven guys.

"I am a feminist." It only took a minute or so of awkward cyber-silence for him to excuse himself and close the chat window. Besides, I'd much rather pretend to be interested in what you have to say. More often than not, however, I've found a paucity of men I want to date on that (and other) sites.

Then he asked me if I wanted children, to which I replied, "Eventually." "Eventually? " "Once I've established my career." "Would you work once you have kids? I might try to work part time when they are young, but I do plan to work." "Oh." I figured this would be the right time to say the four magic words and see if I could make him disappear. Our interests, politics and outlook on life are absolutely compatible. I can no longer count the number of people who have told me -- a single woman approaching 30 -- that I *should* get on JDate because their friend, nephew, cousin, sister, etc just married someone she or he met on JDate.

However, if she said "I am a feminist" on the first date, or when we were just meeting, I would assume she was not a feminist like I am, believing in equal rights for women, and equality in the household, but instead a rabble-rousing, man-hating, unable-to-talk-about-anything-else political type of feminist.

It's women's right to be that, of course--but it's also my right to take such sudden talk as a signal that I should take a walk. So before you think that feminism or working after marriage and after children are dirty words, recognize their context!

But just like any other dating site, JDate has its fair share of weirdos and perverts, which speaks to a point I made earlier about the misconception that all Jews are good or trustworthy. it is part of one's identity), then no sense in finding out later.