Start Question to ask when you start dating

Question to ask when you start dating

I could chalk it up to fear of loss and re-creating the worst dynamics of my marriage, analysis paralysis about what I did that contributed to some of the dysfunction in that decade plus two, regret and shame about some of my choices, raising my son as a single parent, experimenting with relationship paradigm options, re-inventing myself, busy-ness with life stuff, focusing on career building and at times, truly enjoying being single and now that my son is an adult, making choices that primarily affect only me.

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If you want to see your relationship grow, you'll have to ask questions - lots of them. Learning about someone's past can be tricky; you don't want to seem like you're giving them the third degree, but at the same time you want to know more about them.

Without necessarily disclosing the names of all previous lovers and interactions, it is important that a partner know if there are others still in your life. Of course, these are inquiries that take place over time and not all at once on a first date.

The professional interviewer in me laughs at the Ally Mc Beal internal dialog absurdity of that scenario.

Just be sure to choose a game you're sure to win or tie, or you may find yourself doing all the talking.

Unless you've both decided to have a formal session of getting to know each other by asking any questions that have been on your mind, keep things low-key.

Control, abuse, addiction, emotional manipulation, my own co-dependent tendencies taking hold, selling my soul for love, financial irresponsibility, lying, expectation that I act as caregiver and primary emotional strength in the relationship and that I clean up the “messes,” literally or symbolically.

It’s my take that relationship breakdown has a better chance of occurring because we don’t ask certain questions from the get-go and instead, make assumptions that love is enough to sustain it. I am a big believer in full disclosure; knowing that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy.

The other person has “been there, done that, got the t-shirt” too. My current definition involves two people who have a common and merged vision, who communicate it openly and who take steps daily to strengthen and support that bond.

As a minister who has married over 300 couples since 1999, I have witnessed this dynamic with many of them.

These questions are designed to spark the imagination of the person and drift off into speculation.