Start That are intimidating

That are intimidating

If I disagreed with him on anything, I’d avoid even a friendly debate, and smile tightly and change the subject.

The men who I wanted to be dating, on the other hand, wouldn’t call me for a second date, because they’re men who like forthright, independent, complicated women — and that’s not who I was being.

It took me a while to understand that, by covering up my supposedly intimidating attributes, I wasn’t “fixing” myself; I just wasn’t being true to myself.

And most importantly, it made me realize that the person in control of my dating life was me — not the person sitting on the barstool next to me.

So, to all the women who wrote me, asking me how to stop being so intimidating, I’ll say this: I’ve learned to lean into those parts of myself.

I quit hiding parts of myself from my dates so that they could really tell who I was, and this made me a better dater in a lot of ways.

It allowed me to fully discuss my standards and what I was looking for.

But as I got older, and the men I’d date started calling me intimidating as a way to weasel out of the situation we were in, I realized that the opposite sex didn’t always see intimidation as a positive thing.

And in talking to my queer friends, I found that this phenomenon seems to mainly occur in heterosexual relationships.

) I got a whole slew of responses, but versions of the same question kept popping up over and over again: I myself have been called intimidating a lot throughout my life.

It all started with my father who, trying his hardest to console a weepy teenager who didn’t have a date to prom, told me that it wasn’t my fault that men didn’t want to date me. He totally meant it as a compliment — he’d raised a strong, outspoken young woman, and he knew it — so I tried to take it as such.

It’s an odd realization to make, because part of what makes dating so complicated is the idea that you need to perform for the person sitting in front of you.